I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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