too bad you live with your parents still
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
