yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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