I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
