Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
wow bdsm is so cute
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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