HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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