Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
