once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
