she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
