and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
