oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
