wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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