she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
