I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
