I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
