I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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