you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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