i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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