i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
