DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
