does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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