He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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