I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
