yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
