I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
