It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
