After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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