it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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