I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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