We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
