Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
