I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
