Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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