So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did i walk over a car last night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
