The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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