3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
