The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
