another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
