we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
