I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
