we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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