I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
