I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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