i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
