remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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