I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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