I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
