So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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