Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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