Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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