Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
