So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
