You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
