where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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