No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
