its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
