Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm like, not good at living.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
