Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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