...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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