This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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