Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
