We won't sleep together?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
