Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
